Well......thinking.......dangerous??

So, is thinking dangerous?..... I'll let you decide

Well.... I have given much things much thought..... if only I had the time! Actually a few things have been swirlling around in my hot little mind.... yes, my mind is switched on, perhaps not just all of the time....

So the topic that is on the thought board or discussion is well..... it was marriage, then boys, then men, then God, then Pemba, they I started to dwell on "what if.... or what if....." and also my mind wondered on back to conversations and moments that I should of said this.... but I said that.... so yea!

Basiclly my mind has really been deep on thought(s), realising that hurts and issues that I thought I'd dealt with or even stuffed down, well, they popped up again, and this time, I have no-one to run too, expect my Heavenley Daddy - which is a wonderful thing, but gets straight to the heart of the hurt or issue, especailly when you want to have a pity party or someone share the sympthy thing with you.... yup - that dont work with your Heavenley Daddy.

So my answer on what I've thought, jouneralled, thougth and talked thru - is that.... WAIT! Let the sweet aroma, the perfume of JC complety flood u, so all you feel His peace, rest and love.... Holy Spirit has been so instrumental my healing my broken heart after my boyfriend of over a year decided he didnt love me anymore amougst other things (wont go into detail)... oh, all the issues came up.... but being such a strong young women, I hid them, bottled them up and decided to be strong, I didnt want him to know how much he'd really hurt me, I wanted to show people that I was ok - that I had it together, but it was more out of fear of embarresment and more rejection! I mean, this guy, I thought he was the one, we were going to be married..... how things change..... how people change..... so I've been dealing with all the issues of anger, rejection, self hatred, broken heart, he loves - he loves me not, what if I'd done this or said that.... tried to replay the whole situation over and over trying to work out what I'd done wrong or whatever.... BUT somethings are meant to be and some things arent. OK - back to the healing part! So, I no-one to turn too, after putting it off, I decided I couldnt do to it to myself anymore - I had to be honest and truthful and realised that I'd been hurt and that I was hurting and how! Once I penned that down, well, the flood gates opened! God really ministered to me, brought up other issues, but I know for every tear I cry, there are more smiles, and 10x more laughter in each memory! I know that I am on my way to be a better young women of God.... the first thing, is to ADMIT there is a problem or a hurt, if you cant do that, well, then you wont experice the HUG, the LOVE, the JOY of the father wrapping his arms around you and hold you while you cry and hear his gentle wispher in your ear of encourgement, promises and life! To feel His embrace, the sweetness of His kiss against your tear-stained cheek - its pricless and that itself is healing and meaning the heart that was smashed into pieces.

So today, I say, I CHOOSE LIFE, I want to meet my maker, I want to be a spotless bride....therefore, I will lay my life down, whatever the cost....that means the highs and lows of life, the whole heart, the broken heart.... we need to give him all the good memories and bad memories.... God wants all of us, not the plastic part of us.... God himself is honest and truth, what is the point in not being honest and truthfull with ourselves, we then cant be honest and truthful with our maker and king. When God says ALL - He means everything, even the hurts and dark parts of heart.... cause in being honest, truthfull with ourseleves we can be honest and truthful with our King, which comes with being open and intimate! Then the healing, the wholeness and joy comes! For with intimacy comes fruitfullness!!!

OK - so I might be rambling on, but a little thing I heard at a recent conference has stuck in my mind and hear it is (well, something along the lines of).......INTIMACY......It is when, we pick up the phone and if we dont recongise the voice we either ask who it is or we hang up.... that is like when we hear the Fathers voice, how can you listen if you dont know His voice.... We need to ring our Father up and hear His voice, so when He calls us, we recongise it....